Fresh Juice and Teaching

I love my students! I find hope in their eagerness, I hope they do to. Today we read an article about American astronauts at the international space station casting their votes via computer from space! My students are all so fun, and I enjoy myself while demonstrating the meaning of words like zero-gravity and doing flips. My Arabic learning is coming along also. We have midterms next week so I should be studying a lot this weekend. I'm not too stressed about it though, and I found and AMAZING cafe to study in. So far in Egypt I'd found very nice, expensive cafes like Cilantro or Coffee Bean, or the cafes with only men sitting and smoking sheesha and drinking tea. Yesterday however, my friend showed me to a cafe that is a happy medium between those two. There are guys AND girls there, people studying or chatting, smoking sheesha, drinking tea or coffee or fresh juice, and the price is right. You can sit upstairs or downstairs and each table has a little flower vase. It kind of reminds me of Cafe Med on Telegraph- similar upstairs/downstairs set up, and a in some ways a similar atmosphere: relaxing in that everyone is welcome and the ambiance gives no airs of being anything different than it is; nothing tries too hard. Today I went back to the cafe to make my lesson plan and do some homework before going to St. Andrews. I ordered fakhfakheena- which is basically the best of fresh juices (guava, mango, and strawberry), swirling together with chunks of mango, guava and apple- delicious!!

Maugham and Bus rides

On Saturday I began reading Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham, a bildungsroman which so far reminds me of Jane Eyre except that the main character is a guy. Anyways, today on the bus I read chapter 28. At this point in the book the protagonist Philip has come to stay in a house in Germany after being raised conservatively and piously, attending religious schools in England. His new comrades and experiences in Heidelberg bring him to question his own beliefs. I really appreciated the way the chapter laid out in full his thought processes, vocalizing an experience that almost all of us have at some point in our lives: questioning our faith. Religion is undoubtedly a controversial topic, but I really appreciated some of the points Maugham drew out in this chapter. Just chapter 28 is a good read as is if you're interested, pretty short too! Aside from reading on the bus today, the views were great! The weather has changed up a bit here, so that it's a bit colder and there is some rain! Today the sun was peeking out behind the clouds, illuminating strong backlight behind them, and throwing down "God's rays" (those awesome sunbeamy rays that peak out from the clouds after rain!). This over the honking taxis, donkey carts and bridges, trash piles and palm trees, ...colorful clotheslines hanging on dusty balconies seemingly suspended off towering brick buildings...Galibaya-clad men walking home and veiled women waiting at the bus stop.. children in yellow and navy uniforms stuffed into vans on the way home from school backpacks neatly lined up in the roof rack...and me where I always sit, in the back of the bus ....Egypt! It's interesting how when what used to be foreign becomes familiar, you begin to appreciate more and more the extraordinary in the ordinary, abroad and at home.

Elevator!!!

I was stuck in the elevator for seven minutes!! It was very ironic because I was just going across the street to buy a phone card, meaning that I had my phone with me in the elevator, but as I was out of minutes, I had no way to call anyone. By number I live on the fifteenth floor by number, but in actuality it is more like the 18th. There are two elevators in my building, both very sketchy by American standards. On the way down the elevator kept stopping in between floors but I just kept pressing the ground floor button and it would start again. Eventually however, this system failed me. The elevator stopped for good! Fun! While I was stopped at the 4th floor, I couldn't get the door open. In my building the elevators have sliding doors (like in America) but then there is also a hinged door you have to open at each floor. My thought was that if I could get the sliding door open I could just push open the other door and be free. So I pried open the first door, only to find I couldn't open the second. Then my thought was that perhaps if I pulled the sliding door closed, then the elevator would think it was time to move again. Again, failure. I tried these ideas a few times, then I sat down for awhile, and then I tried the door prying system again, which worked! (Or maybe some guy somewhere figured it out and fixed it, and that just happened to coincide with my door prying, I don't know). When I FINALLY got off the elevator there were almost 15 people waiting! I was never worried at all because at the ground level there is a screen that shows the number the elevator is at, and if a lot of people are waiting the Bowab watches the screen to see if it is stuck somewhere (this happens a lot because if someone forgets to close the hinged door after getting out of the elevator, then the elevator can't move). In any case, I had a very exciting first time being stuck in the elevator! I went and bought my phone minutes with no problem, and when I came back the elevator was fully out of commission. SOOOO.. I took the elevator of the building next to mine to the top floor, took the stairs to the roof, walked across the small, narrow, and VERY HIGH bridge to my building, and finally got back to my apartment. Who would have thought buying phone minutes less than a block away could be so exciting!!

أنا مشغولة دائماً

Egypt!!!! I've been extremely busy- basically how I like it. Get up at 5:30, run to rowing, taxi back home, bus to school, school all day, bus, homework, maybe teaching, friends, EAT! sleep? AAAAAAH! But it's great, really. In the mornings the soupy air drifts away as the sun rises- big, round, and red floating up over the Nile.. what could be better. This morning I tried a four man boat for the first time, and thankfully we did not capsize! The guys sitting behind me also asked me, "Are you sure you haven't rowed before?!" Good confidence booster! It's great to finally get out and exercise too. The bus ride continues to afford me with blocks of time for thinking about life and scheming about the future. My next big hope is to go to Arusha, Tanzania during winter break to volunteer teach and maybe climb Mt. Kilimanjaro (if I can find the time and money). My hopes tend to change a lot, but I'm sticking with that one for now. School is going well also although learning Arabic has its ups and downs. Some days you feel on and class goes well; you're prepared and happy and learning. Other days you have no idea what is going on, you're not prepared, the teacher is frustrated, you're frustrated, and you move on. I'm doing the best in my colloquial classes- it's more fun and practical and hands-on. We had an oral exam the other day- where you go in for a one-on-one discussion with the teacher- it went really well!! I am chugging away in my other classes too, and nothing is too hard yet. Learning Arabic was my principle reason for coming to Egypt, and I am definitely devoting a lot of time to it. While I am not as intensely studious as some of my classmates, I feel like I get a lot out of the other ways I spend my time. Today at St. Andrews I was talking with a few of my students before the class started about African governments and African weather (what a combo!). They were contrasting how "presidents" in many African countries stay for twenty or thirty years, compared to America where it is just four or eight. They viewed these long "terms" as very bad (Most people in Egypt though are hesitant to criticize Mubarek). About the weather.. in Southern Sudan the rainy season is four months long and it rains every day so nobody works! In Darfur though, there is no rain! My students manage to make even a topic as mundane as the weather very interesting! Tomorrow is Thursday (thank goodness) and I only have a few classes. This weekend I am hoping to complete some applications for summer language program scholarships, and finally answer the letters I've been receiving, and homework of course! We're also planning to have a tie-dye party! We went hiking over Eid with a girl named Menna who told me she'd always wanted to tie-dye. My roommate found clothing dye at the art store down the street. So the party is on, and my assertion that I can find anything my heart desires within a few blocks of my apartment holds true.
Peace,
Ali.

Rowing!

Last night I went to a play at the opera house that was all in Spanish, and this morning I went to rowing practice!!! I am now officially a member of the team and have practice four days a week at 6am!! (So rowing won't conflict with Saturday school anymore). YAY. And now I'm off to meet my classmate who will turn in my homework for me, and then I'm going to frisbee practice. Can't wait.

The first complaining post

I am so tired. I catch the bus everyday at 8 and get to bed usually by 12, but this still does not give me adequate sleep!!! It's frustrating sometimes that AUC is so far away. I don't mind the commute it's just that there is only so much time in the day- I'd have more time for other things if I didn't spend so much on the bus. Also, at the beginning of the school year, when the construction wasn't finished, they delayed starting school for a week. Now we have to make up those days that we missed on Saturdays! So school six days a week! At first I was trying to keep a good attitude about it, but now it just kind of sucks. Frisbee is on Saturdays, and it's also the first day of rowing practice. It wish I didn't have to choose between those activities and missing class. I committed to them before they decided to make mandatory Saturday school though! It's just hard to have that much school. Usually on the weekends I spend one day doing fun things and one day doing homework. Now you can see that my fun day is gone. Weekends are supposed to be sacred! I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I really want to go to the first rowing practice so maybe I'll end up skipping school. I don't like getting behind though. Nearly all my problems would be solved if I could be in two places at once! On the upside of things, teaching is still going really great. It's the best part of my week and I wish I could do more. I went to dinner last night with some friends, and was talking with my friend Mohammad who teaches at a different school and is involved with some NGOs in Cairo. There are so many opportunities here, and I just want to do everything! Of course that relates to my problems with not enough time in the day, but I'm working on that. This morning I've just been at home and all is well. I made delicious banana bread, my cat is napping on my lap right now, and Cairo is still beautiful, in its horn honking, people swirling, traffic surging, heart-pulsing type of way. :-)

Zabiba

If you come to Egypt you may notice a man pass you by with a gray spot on his head. You'll wonder what type of infection/bruise/fungus/bump is that. Then you will realize (as I did), that there are many men like that, and the so-called spot is a bruise from praying five times a day. Apparently it's actually respected, for it shows piety, and is called zabiba, literally, raisin. The things I learn about...

Wednesday afternoon

Monday and Wednesday afternoons I teach downtown, so I just take the bus there after school instead of to Zamalek. I have some time to spend before I take the metro over the the school, so it is usually a nice, relaxing afternoon. For example, today I walked over to a koshari place my roommate told me about. Koshari is an Egyptian food- basically all the carbs you could think of mixed together. It's very good if you can stomach it! A lot of the time koshari stands are just to go, but at the one I went to today you could sit down and eat too, so I went upstairs to give it a go. Naturally, I'm the only blonde person there. It's always so interesting to be the person who is standing out. I dunno, everybody catching furtive (or sometimes not so furtive) glances at you. The koshari was some of the best I've had. I made some lesson plans there, paid (5 pounds/1 usd for a big bowl of koshari!), and then the got on the metro. Metro is 1 pounds no matter how far or how short you're going. I took the women's car, one stop only, to the Ramses Stop in Boolaq where St. Andrews school is. I'm so happy that I'm teaching! The lesson went really well today. I brought an article about the American elections which we read and discussed, and then we did some grammar and speaking drills. After teaching, I usually walk through Boolaq towards Wekelet El-belah. There are tons of people out at night so it's very nice. I like to buy fruit and vegetables there because it's a lot cheaper, and fresher seemingly than what you can get in Zamalek. Today I was buying bananas and a large crowd gathered around. Who wants to watch the American girl by some Mooza?! :-) After buying the bananas (2 pounds for about 7 bananas), I hopped in a taxi to get back home, which costs 5 pounds (it takes about 10-15 minutes, a distance of maybe 2 miles, but I'm not sure). Now I'm about to start my homework. Usually I drink A LOT of tea while doing my homework, maybe 3 or 4 cups. And that's it, typical Wednesday afternoon and evening for me! I've been meaning to write an entries about school and learning Arabic, frustrations in Egypt, and bathrooms and bathroom stories in Egypt, since I hear there is interest in that. Hopefully I'll get to that soon- I'm so busy!
PS. I just read the wikipedia article I linked about koshari. There isn't usually spaghetti noodles in it like in the picture, just the macaroni kind. I also have never seen it with meat on top, and I think it pretty much ALWAYS has the carmelized onions not just usually.

I agree

Not usually a fan of CNN, but I can't help myself...

Yalla Camel!

Today on the bus on the way to school, I saw a huge truck full of camels. There were two flat beds being towed, with green siding, and almost 30 camel heads sticking up over the siding from each truck. Oh my gosh! On the way home I saw a similar truck full with bags of grain, with an old man sleeping on top of the pile, all the while the truck barreling down the highway.

Reflection

I have been an American living in the Middle East for almost two months now. I experienced Cairo during Ramadan, heard Egyptians discreetly whisper their opinions on Mubarak, and followed American politics and news from afar. In relation to this, I want to reflect on identity formation, the power behind words and the power of words, and how these relate to our perceptions and actions. Anything to do with Islam or the Middle East is hot news in America: The military presses on in Iraq, a toy doll praising Allah makes headlines, Obama is accused of being Islamic and involved in terrorist activities, hijab is depicted as oppressive, and the government is unequivocally pro-Israel. Without a doubt, most Egyptians have different perspectives on these issues, and I am lucky enough to be privy to them. Yet for many Americans, these media sources are their main point of encounter with the Middle East. So I feel that sometimes we construct our American identity based upon what it's not, based upon what we imagine the developing world or the Arab world to be. We think- Rich/poor, Christian/Muslim, Free-world/Terrorist World, Black/White.. whatever it may be. It's interesting that in my experience I find most dichotomies to be false, and similarities draw us closer when we can move our encounters beyond discourse. Yet our opinions come from power and they form discourse that supports our power and gains influence and accreditation throughout the world. Americans come from a superpower, from privilege. Our businesses stretch the world over; we bring Christianity, English, and Capitalism. But what about knowledge? Knowledge is produced and the United States of America is its biggest factory. American academics created the field of "development studies", created the IMF and the World Bank and the UN and dominate the goings-on therein. We discuss poverty in South Asia, AIDS in Africa, corrupt leaders, terrorism, environmental degradation, malnutrition, the "poor, poor people". But how comfortable can I feel with my knowledge about another place if I know it's been produced in the same ivory tower, the same bastion of American education that I sit in. How can we as American citizens rest comfortably in our power when 38 percent of Americans aged 18 to 24 consider speaking another language to be “not too important”, sixty-three percent of those young Americans can't find Iraq on a map of the Middle East, and 89 percent don't correspond regularly with anyone outside the U.S? What type of global citizens does America produce!? How does our privilege blind us? How do our conceptions of ourselves shape how we construct the "other"? For the well-intended among us, in speaking for the underprivileged, are we taking away their voice? There is a headline in the news today about whether or not we will look back on 2008 as the beginning of the end of American hegemony. This has been prophesied for a long time, but still, can you imagine what that world would look like? What voices might appear? How would the scope of our knowledge change. I think about this, because the scope of my knowledge changes everyday as I experience being an American in the Middle East, as I experience being MYSELF in the Middle East. I am privileged in that my encounter with the Middle East gives me much more agency in forming my opinions about the Middle East than most Americans. Yet I still am hesitant to make any. I still question myself, everyday, questioning my assumptions. My experiences shape the lens through which I perceive the world and to some extent the skew of the lens is unavoidable. Yet I perceive the lens; will I let it hold me back? How do we, once we recognize the ramifications of our power, begin to speak? If you can never know what it's like to be somebody else but you have power to influence them and them you, how are you going to conduct yourself? We are each powerful beyond measure, but it's important to find a balance between checking yourself and maintaining enough self-efficacy to take action. As Americans, we have many opportunities to act. Keith Ellison, the first and so far only Muslim to be elected to the United States Congress, was quoted in last year’s July 22nd edition of Newsweek Magazine saying that: "The U.S. is founded on the idea that we're all connected to a set of ideas, not a set of histories. For all our criticisms, the idea of America is an amazing thing- a society organized around a set of principles instead of around racial or cultural identity." In other words, America is a civic nation, and one I'm very proud to be a part of. I believe in the idea that much of America's power is from the people. We each have so much agency in shaping our identity. Yet, we can shape the identities of others also. Remember that. We can appreciate difference, while still coming together as one, as Americans, and as global citizens. In my travels there is so much that is new, yet I feel at home, because, between humans, so much remains the same...

Ants and Frisbee

Today I tackled ants and went to frisbee! I cleaned up a million times until I figured out they were going for the almonds and had knawed a hole in the bag, little suckers! My roommate and I threw out the almonds and then taped all the holes in the electrical box where they were emerging from. Frisbee practice is in Maadi. To get there I take a taxi to downtown (5 pounds/1 dollar) and then the metro to Maadi (1 pound) and then walk a kilometer or two to the field. Today the metro was soooo crowded. Usually the woman's only car is a bit less full, but not so today! When the doors open it was hard to keep my feet on the ground because the huge throng became so packed pushing towards the door so that my body was getting pushed around with the people around me and my feet just kind of dragging. I find these situations to be quintessential life experiences, and I also often think: what would my mom do. I guess because I wish so much sometimes that my family could experience some of these things (I thought that in India too), but it's also hard to imagine my mom on the cairo metro. I hope so someday!! On the car all these teenage girls were laughing at me for some reason, i can't imagine... There were like.. two old ladies with hijab and then me with my long hair down. I was thinking about how hijabi girls in the states get stared out. Well now, I get stared at! It's interesting. When I got off the metro I really had no idea where I was going, so I just walked where I thought I should go. At one point I saw across the roundabout a guy I recognized as another frisbee player! So I just followed him. He took this circuitous route, turning here and there, past all the lazy guards lounging at their posts and the huge gated expat houses (Maadi is expat haven, there are even trees there!). Eventually I got to the field, sure that the guy must have recognized me following him, but he hadn't! So I can totally become a professional stalker when I grow up, because I followed him for almost 15 minutes (I felt very creepy doing this), and he didn't even notice! I'd never followed someone for such a distance like that before; I felt very clandestine. My mad spy-skills would have been the highlight of my day (besides the metro ride), if frisbee had not been so awesome! There were a lot of people so we got to do a round-robin with six per team. It's so much fun now that I'm getting better too and know more about how the game works. It's amazing that a game that started on college lawns can be so serious! Anyways, I really like it. Maybe I can play on the Cal team when I get back, and apparently AUC has a team as well... Afterwards I walked back to the metro with a girl from San Francisco and two Egyptians. They took us to get sugar cane juice and rode back on the metro with us which was a lot less crowded. This evening I did homework, gearing up for another week!! Right now I'm sitting on my balcony underneath my roommates drying laundry which is flapping on the line and smells like detergent. I hear a lot of horns honking and the music from the boats on the nile.. ahhh egypt.

I love my balcony

I'm sitting on my balcony catching wireless and glimpses of the Nile. It's pretty late. My roommate, our neighbors, and I went to the Cairo Jazz Club tonight. It was pretty cool, pretty similar to most jazz clubs I've been to before- dimly lit, fake books lying around, people with grisly voices. It was a good night, something different. Also something the same in a way- I miss doing jazz! Good news also, today at school I found the application form for the rowing team. I'm still waiting to find out how much it costs, but pending that, I'm hoping to do it; morning rowing on the nile! Hopefully I can make more Egyptian friends that way too. Tomorrow I'm hoping to get passport pictures taken for my rowing application, look for tie-dye supplies (i.e. dye), do some homework, and go on some adventures. Hopefully it will be a good day!

Karma and Keys

It's a short week of school this week, and everybody's just settling into the new schedule for classes and buses. Because of the changes I now have to leave home two hours before my class actually starts. I really enjoy the morning bus ride though, and it's great now because I have time to sit in the library and study before class starts. This morning in the library this girl came up to talk to me: the first Egyptian girl from AUC to ever speak to me! I kind of blew it. She was really excited cus she thought I was in scouting because she thought the symbol on my shirt was the scouting symbol. I told her I did scouting a long time ago but not now. Then she was asked if I needed help with my arabic homework and I said thanks but I'm okay. I SHOULD have asked her if I could like join her scout troop or something and pretended I needed help on my homework, cus it was really nice of her to talk to me! I went to look for her later but I couldn't find her. I could have made a friend! Oh well, better luck next time. Outside of making friends with Egyptians, I've decided I am very lucky and must have really good karma. Yesterday I was locked out of the apartment for about three hours until my roommates got home. It wasn't that big a deal; I just went to a cafe nearby and did my homework there. At home I looked for my key but I couldn't find it, so I headed off to school again today without it. When I got into the bus and sat down, there in the seat next to me was my key!! It's just the key, the blue and gold lanyard Avery made for me, and a silver caribeener- sitting right there on the seat! I guess it had fallen out of my bag the morning before. But what are the chances that I would get on the SAME bus, sit in the SAME seat, have it be empty so I could actually see the key, AND have the key still be there after all the riders since yesterday morning!? Granted, I have a fondness for sitting in the back of the bus on the left-hand side... but still. Now I have to sit in the same spot everyday, just for karma's sake! granted, it would have cost about 50 cents to make another key, but I was still very excited to happen upon my key. After teaching tonight, I was able to let myself in with my very own key!

Who's got Mail?

Letters arrived today! From Granny, Camille, and my dad. Joy! Now I have to figure out how to write back...

Sinai

So let's review the highlights from Sinai. The bus ride took about 8 or 9 hours of bouncing through the desert, until we were dropped off in the small mountain town of Saint Catherine. We sat at a hostel called Bedouin Camp until 1am until we started our climb up Mt. Sinai. There are two ways to go up Mt. Sinai, the steps of repentance or the backside trail. We went up the trail, the least popular route, but at some vistas we could see the steps, filled up entirely with people, flashlit snake winding up the mountain for miles. At one point a herd of camels stampeded by- the things that happen on hiking trails in Egypt! Most of the way up there were little kiosks selling water and tea and juice and soda too. One of the funniest things was that when we were almost there one of my friends really had to use the bathroom, so he booked it up to the top, paid 5 pounds too use the "W.C.", found himself without toilet paper, and used piastres (small unit of money) instead. We laughed about this for the rest of the trip. We bought a blanket from one of the vendors and found a good ledge to watch the sunrise. It was funny because basically everyone there (except for me) had a camera out and was trying to capture sunrise pictures. There were also a ton of eastern european orthodox christians singing, which was nice. Going down the trail, I was thinking about the differences in hiking attire across nationalities. These little russian girls wore really nice outfits and purses and ballet flats for hiking. The coalition from Japan had on "Disneyland" or "Egypt" sweaters and a ton of little cameras. And then of course the Americans have a whole slew of hiking gear, tennis shoes and backpacks and water bottles- always got to be prepared. My friend Andrew brought a whole backpacking bag up the mountain! At the bottom of Sinai we went to the monastery. At the entrance to the chapel the carved wooden doors had a sign on them "6th century, do not touch"- craziness! We went to bed around 11am, napped and slept most of the day, and then started our trek up mt catherine, the highest mountain in Egypt the next day around 8am. The eight of us were joined for the climb by 8 Egyptians who we'd met at school. Because of the recent kidnappings, the village sheikh wouldn't allow us (the americans) to spend the night on the mountain, and the Egyptians decided they'd just do a day hike with us too. However, all my friends decided to carry backpacking bags for the hike! I brought my daypack, which served me well. The hike was awesome- great views. At one point we came to this village which had a cage full of hyraxes-- what the heck?! Further into the hike the hiking politics began- do we keep stopping to wait for everyone, or do people book it on their own. Eventually there was a crew of old British and Scottish people, and some of us had our pride begin to prickle when the entourage of UK senior citizens began to creep up on us. My friend Wolf decided to book it to the summit. I waited for awhile, but after ten or fifteen minutes of waiting decided to go. I was glad I did, because I was the second one to the top, and I beat the British people! Everybody made it to the top, and we enjoyed the views of Saudi Arabia, plains of Egypt, Mt. Sinai, and the surrounding mountains. The plan was to watch the sunset up there and then walk down in darkness. Kind of strange to me, but I went along. Unbeknownst to me, Andrew had decided this even though coming down in the dark would cost us double! So we had to pay 600 pounds instead of 300 to wait up at the top for four hours until the sun set and it was freezing cold and we could stumble down the mountain. It was great to see the stars though, and a interesting to walk in the dark. I was still kind of surprise when I found out how much it cost though! This was the first trip I went on where one person planned a lot in advance instead of everybody working on it together. I would have done some things differently, but it was still a great trip. I loved summiting the mountain! After the mountains we went to Dahab for a few days for some great snorkeling, camel riding, food and swimming. Everything was full in Dahab, but we found a place that let us sleep outside in their courtyard for just 10 pounds. Great deal! We took the night bus home from Dahab, which was sooo long. The buses here have assigned seats, but the bus we got on had the numbers hidden under the curtains. All the foreigners decided to sit wherever, but then some Egyptians got on the bus in Sharm and wanted their assigned seats, which was where I was sitting. So I moved to the back of the bus. I thoroughly missed my window seat!! Later on at one of the checkpoints about 3 in the morning they decided they were going to search everybody bags, but once we all got off and got our stuff out from the bottom of the bus, they decided they would only search Egyptians bags (which is ridiculous). Some people grumbled that this was racist, and most people grumbled about the delay. About 4 in the morning we stopped at a restaurant also. It was kind of funny the amount of interesting stops we had, although some people were grumpy about it. At one point, when we kept stopping and having to move seats, my seatmate said in a moment of exasperation "Egypt is so f*ing backwards!!". I know she was exasperated, but her comment exasperated me. Things are a bit chaotic sometimes, but a lot of times there is order within it, it just isn't as evident and laid out-it's more circuitous. In any case, it was an adventure at least! The bus dropped us off at an unknown place in Cairo about 7am and I tiredly took a taxi back to Zamalek. Home at last!

My dad made this album of our trip. I'm kind of mortified how he took the photos from my friends albums and made surprisingly detailed captions as if he was me, but at least you guys can see the photos...